I have been trying to think about what to write about today and to be honest I am stumped.
Is this writer’s block?
I don’t know, maybe it is. I have been sitting here for an hour, looking at the screen with thoughts rattling around my tiny brain, wondering what will occur.
The inspiration for my post yesterday just popped into my brain, I started writing, and it ended up as a pretty damn good post (in my opinion).
I wanted to follow it up with a groovy, well thought out piece that people would read and think “Wow, he is good”, but nothing wants to come out. Nothing is haunting my brain today. No burning questions, no wild opinions and certainly nothing “Groovy and well thought out”
Although I am only an aspiring writer, working on a first book, with only a few shorts completed to any reasonable standard (again my opinion), I have not had to deal with knowing what to write. I just sit down, start typing, and see where the action takes me.
I could end up at a university lecture, an old man’s pub in Glasgow, or a strip club in Vietnam. And that is the scary part.
If I don’t know where I am going, how am I ever going to find out how to get there?
To expand on that, ideas for stories have always just popped into my head, usually starting off as a question, or a word, that keeps reverberating around my brain, slowly growing, until I need to sit down and let it all out.
And when I do, I type, delete, type some more and at the end when I read it back I think “Whoa! Where did that come from?”
I have made myself laugh out loud, cry, feel sadness, guilt and embarrassment. But am I doing it? Or is my brain doing it? The conscious everyday Phil, almost sits and watches the words appear on screen, enjoying the story, being the first reader, wondering where it will go and what will happen next. Something or someone inside my brain is controlling it, but doesn’t seem to be me.
I have never been good at planning things out, my brain does not function that way. It doesn’t seem to work in logical patterns; it wanders, moves away from topic and just goes wherever it damn well pleases, without leaving me much choice but to follow.
But usually (and that is a BIG usually), it ends up somewhere in the region of where I wanted it to go, or else it takes me somewhere else, where I didn’t realize I wanted to go to, but ended up there anyway.
Should that be something I am worried about? I remember hearing a comedian who was talking about comedy, who said “I am at a point of my career, where I could hear that a friend has died, and still go out on stage and be funny, because I realize what funny is now”
And I am sure some writers must be like that too. They can sit down without that “inspiration” feeling and hammer out 3oo0 words a day, knowing when to add a reveal, insert some sub plot and come out the other end with a finished manuscript, which will go on to be a best seller.
My writing style seems to be a bit like Tourette’s. An idea enters my brain and fights to get out, till I can’t think or concentrate and at that point, all I can do is sit in front of the keyboard, watching the words appear on the screen, as the story unfolds in front of me.
What I decided to do today was just sit in front of my laptop, and write about what is in my head, which is nothing. My brain is spilling out words and thoughts, about nothing.
Today my brain is like the back page of a university exam paper which doesn’t contain any questions, just states “THIS PAGE IS BLANK”, which by definition disqualifies the page from being blank.
So, is this writer’s block? is my brain blank?, or is the page in my brain saying “THIS BRAIN IS BLANK”, and therefore it is not really blank, it just wanted to write about nothing?